I like what you say. If you were to write a book about your spontaneous agreements, I would read it. Agreeing with ourselves, not taking things personally (#2) gives us the opportunity to look inward and find and change the old agreements and beliefs – mostly lies from our childhood domestication – that captivate us emotionally and make us react. The author of the article accurately describes people`s “dream” of distorting what people say or do. It is a powerful gift of Toltec wisdom. Then listen to what the victim is saying and write it down. You know that the victim is active when you invest energy to blame the other person for the situation you are in. Use your non-dominant hand to enjoy the feeling of helplessness. Allow the victim to scold on paper – what does the victim say? Write. The continuous repetition of new chords will gradually build a completely new belief system – a new creation, a free self – a new self. Example: When a (non)famous YouTuber tweeted, “Fear is created by you” (and then removed it because wow, so misinformed), many of his guys backed him up by stating that it`s true – any mental illness could just go away if we put in more effort, exercise more, and stop being victims. Here`s a spontaneous list of my 4 chords: (1) Keep taking a break – so if we do our best, both in terms of four deals and the steps we`re taking around the world, we can be really happy. Thank you, Allan, for sharing your wisdom.
I am honored that someone of your format takes the time to read my article and clarify the meaning of the agreements. All this therefore refers to the four agreements that Ruiz proposes in retrospect. Because we create a gap between ourselves and the world, the universe, and because we create the judge/victim dichotomy within ourselves, we live in tension, we feel non-etheistic and dishonest. We make toxic deals with ourselves and our relationships with others. The four agreements help us to replace these toxic agreements with newer and happier ones. I interpreted “is” as living in the present and “was” the representation of past behaviors. The tension probably changes intentionally. The best way to develop knowledge is to bypass other criticisms and read the material and develop your own knowledge. In a way, the principles of Don Miguel Ruiz remind me of cognitive behavioral therapy: becoming aware of negative agreements (negative automatic thoughts), replacing them with impulses (positive thoughts).
We become scientists who can notice the dark movements in our heads and redirect them accordingly. But this approach has its limitations, and after decades of popularity, the principles of CBT are beginning to show their own weaknesses. One reason could be that much of what we feel and do comes from the unconscious, far below the reach of reason. We don`t understand much about what`s going on inside of us. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a new set of positive thoughts and attitudes (“it`s not personal”,” “I can choose to listen to this person or not”, “it`s about her, not me”) will work, that they are strong enough to reverse hidden and misunderstood traumas and emotions. Our mind is not an object that we can observe and control coldly. And your problems, whatever they are (anxiety, depression, low self-esteem…), may have nothing to do with whether you take things personally or not. Firstly, the agreements currently in force are always evidenced by their behaviour, that is, by the measures they take. If we accept this agreement, Don Miguel Ruiz tells us, there is a good chance that we will reach a state of “happiness” in the midst of “hell”. All agreements are supposed to lead to this state of affairs, but the decision not to take things personally has the power to cancel up to “seventy-five percent” of all the negative agreements we have already made with ourselves. Whew.
Seventy-five percent? It sounds incredible. Where do I sign? We have to break a lot of old chords and change a lot of domesticated beliefs to really keep a space for someone`s hurt or anger against us without judging, withdrawing, defending, accusing, intellectualizing, you share their dream. As for perfection, this word certainly has the connotation of perfectionism, and if you take it that way, you would indeed be driving yourself crazy. (By the way, perfection and other chords are agreements you make with yourself, not demands that ruiz makes of you.) On the other hand, if you set a goal to be impeccable with your word and strive to be as honest and friendly as possible with your words, without waiting for perfection from yourself or fighting if you fail, this agreement with yourself could increase your well-being. But words hurt. Others injured. We don`t have armor, or when we do, it`s full of holes. Implying that the feeling of pain due to what others are doing to us is a choice feels the accusation of the victim; it goes hand in hand with Eleanor Roosevelt`s slogan “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” or the stupid mantra “Sticks and stones can break my bones.” Sorry, but it`s not that simple. I mean, tell people who live with narcissistic parents that they should take it upon themselves to ignore the daily abuse and taunts against their self-esteem. People don`t need our consent to treat us as inferior or to enact laws that ensure we stay that way. After all, why should it be important for us to be “impeccable with our word,” if not? I also found it strange to judge a book about the behavior of a person who claims to have read it and about the elderly who are the ancestors of the author of the book. That is why I did not respond to Cccc`s comment.
If the commentator explained why he thought the four agreements meant that people were behaving recklessly and selfishly, I might have gotten an answer. As things stand, I agree with the idea that – Toltec or not – these principles are a healthy way of life and are consistent with good practices supported by modern psychology: If I have to name four betrayals that I usually make to myself, will they do it? I have neither read nor planned this book. I saw these four chords on the wall in a yoga teacher`s house and laughed. These tenants are what Saniel Bonder, the founder of Waking Down In Mutality, would call hypermasculine ideas to improve us. They could improve our lives for a while, but like all self-improvement projects, they imply that we ultimately need more self-insurance. Although there is an important place for the action component in life (male strength), it is necessary to balance it with the softer outfit and accept the qualities of motherhood of the deep feminine. Truly loving ourselves for and with all our human weaknesses is the key to not judging ourselves and others and a surprising impudence. This can pave the way for a deeper understanding that involves knowing ourselves as an unlimited presence of Guess. As you can imagine, the entire system of culturally prescribed agreements that one adopts by default is built almost entirely on fear.
We can use the fourth agreement, Do your best, to encourage us to make a positive effort. But this agreement also recognizes that “our best” varies from moment to moment, depending on our circumstances and state of mind. Acknowledging this fact leads to the realization that everything we are doing right now is our best, and this awareness can prevent us from castigating ourselves if we fail to live up to an inappropriate standard of perfection. And yet. I know in my heart that this is not the case. People who blame victims are conditioned by their own families, peers, news, media and social media to adopt an attitude that makes sense to them and their point of view and has nothing to do with me. .